I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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