Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
