She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
