I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
