The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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