No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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