cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
