haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
