I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
