he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
