I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
