my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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