I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
