just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
