I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
