i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
