Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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