I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
