oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
