I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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