remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
