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i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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