im drinking this country out of the recession.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
