U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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