Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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