I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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