I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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