I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
