Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
