Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
