Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
