if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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