Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
