I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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