No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
