a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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