the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
