Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
