Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
