You work out of a Hotel?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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