Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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