What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You can't special order awesome
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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