A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
