I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
