Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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