why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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