don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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