There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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