I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
