Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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