You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
