lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
