someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
