I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
