last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
