I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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