Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
