if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
