Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
