You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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