I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The Olympian is in my bed
My vagina is very pro this idea
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