weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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