i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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