Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
