dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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