why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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