Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
