weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
