ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
