why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
