Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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